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How to lose 7lbs in seven days

woman's abdomenFast! Effective! No willpower required!

Just follow this easy 3-step plan and you too can look forward to a wardrobe full of clothes that no longer fit.

Step 1. Develop numerous gallstones.

Step 2. Pass a stone sufficiently large to form a blockage in the bile duct.

Step 3. Contract acute pancreatitis.

Side-effects include: extreme pain, projectile vomiting, dehydration, jaundice and a trip to hospital for IV fluids and morphine.

 

6 Comments

  1. prue batten

    Thanks for your thoughts and apologise for delay of reply. My writing has been like getting blood from the proverbial stone.

  2. prue batten

    Since last message, daughter who is immune-challenged has developed “sack of gravel’ resulting in mercy dash from me at 3AM and is seeing surgeon in 2 weeks. Have you had yours removed yet? If so are you well? I hope so. With the word count of the WIP you are obviously right in there, slogging away.

    • Ellie

      My gallbladder came out on 18th October, and apart from me taking a long time to come round from the anaesthetic, everything seemed to go swimmingly and I was discharged less than 24hrs after surgery. I was a bit sore for a few days, but regular off-the-shelf painkillers dealt with it (paracetamol or ibuprofen/Advil etc).

      It was a keyhole procedure, so I had a total of 4 small incisions with dissolving stitches. The only aftercare required was a visit to the practice nurse at my GP to check they were healing OK. Far less traumatic overall than the trips to the emergency room!

      Hope your daughter feels better soon.

  3. prue batten

    Thinking of you.

  4. prue batten

    Been there . . . I know what you feel. They cut the end of my bile duct to get the stone out, it was so utterly jammed. But never had to have the gall bladder removed. Take care.

    • Ellie

      My gall bladder is apparently a sack of gravel so I can’t say I’ll be sorry to see it gone. Fingers crossed I’ll get a date for surgery soon.

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